Content Warning: The author of this piece discusses cutting back on — but not cutting out — alcohol consumption.  We at The Temper support everyone’s individual road to recovery and recognize that sobriety is an individual choice. However, if you have a history of substance use disorder and find articles like this troubling, here is a head’s up!

I’ve wanted to curb my coffee addiction for a while but it took time to even realize that I had an issue.

As a writer, I’m constantly spending time in coffee shops. As a young professional, I’m always networking, which means I’m often meeting people over coffee or drinks. Whenever I find myself writing in a café for work, I have to get a cup of coffee. And when refills are unlimited, it would lead to me drinking anywhere from four to six cups of coffee per day.

I never even thought about the idea that I might be addicted to coffee because drinking coffee was always second nature. I go to a cafe; I drink a cup of coffee. I’m at home; I brew a cup of coffee. I’m out for breakfast and the server comes by asking for a refill and I continue to drink more coffee. I’ve been a waitress before and you’re always told to constantly refill people’s coffee. I can remember being a teenager at my first job and having a man in a restaurant tell me to stop asking me if he wanted a refill because he had already had so much.

I do remember the day I realized I was addicted to caffeine. I was traveling in Texas for work and was out for brunch with co-workers. I had not met two of the people sitting at the table across from me before and, in retrospect, I’m glad they were there. We were all drinking coffee with breakfast and the server kept asking us for refills. By the end of the meal, I remember the server asking if I wanted one last refill while we were waiting for the check. I said no and she left.

One of the people across from me said, “I was going to be really shocked if you ordered another cup of coffee.”

At first, I thought it was a weird thing to say to someone. I kind of laughed and said, “Yeah, I drink a lot of coffee.”

The girl next to him then said, “You literally just drank seven cups of coffee! Don’t you feel sick? I can barely drink two cups of coffee, it makes me start to shake.”

I remember the look on both of their faces — they couldn’t believe I had drunk so much without even realizing or recognizing that it was a gross amount of coffee. I remember laughing it off because I felt awkward and judged. I counted in my head and realized that they were correct. I had drunk seven cups of coffee throughout the course of breakfast without even realizing it.

I recognized that I did not feel good and it was the first time I really drew a connection that the amount of caffeine I put into my body was contributing to how I felt.

I suddenly became very aware of my body and I recognized that I was, in fact, shaking and felt overly bloated and cramped. I recognized that I did not feel good and it was the first time I really drew a connection that the amount of caffeine I put into my body was contributing to how I felt. Still, I wrote it all off as not that big of a deal —  they were “small” cups of coffee, I told myself, knowing full well that the cups at our table were a regular mug size.

That moment has always remained in the back of my head because it was the first time anyone ever made me aware that there could be an “unhealthy” amount of coffee.

I wish I could say that, right after that moment, I started moderating my intake and drank less coffee and cut myself off after the third cup — but it doesn’t work that way. I still continued to drink an average of four to six cups per day. I’d go through phases where I would drink less on some days and more on others — this would mainly fluctuate based on where I was working and whether or not I was feeling a latte or drip. But it continued for the next couple of years. There were so many days where I tried to curb my addiction by running or working out in the morning to “wake me up” instead of needing coffee to do so. But time after time I’d find myself still drinking coffee, despite trying to substitute it with exercise, juice, or even tea.

What really led to curbing my addiction was learning more about coffee and having a supportive person in my life to help me cut back.

I started to recognize that I was dependent on it because I saw it as something I needed to wake me up, to be able to function throughout the day.

I spent two months living and working on a coffee farm and, though I was working in the farm’s bakery as opposed to actually working with the coffee beans, I learned how coffee gets roasted, how different roasts have different tastes and caffeine potency and, most importantly, I learned about how coffee affects the central nervous system. Moreover, I discussed my coffee dependence with my farmer, to which she mentioned that she had noticed how much coffee I had drank over the course of my first few days on the farm. She asked if I wanted her to help me and I said yes, but she asked again, noting that if she was going to let me help her, I had to be ready.

One of the first biggest changes for me was learning to think about coffee differently, and it helped to have someone ask me how I was feeling after drinking my morning coffee, and then checking in again around the time I’d be going for the second cup. I started to recognize that I was dependent on it because I saw it as something I needed to wake me up, to be able to function throughout the day. But when I talked with the coffee farmer about what I really loved about coffee, I recognized that what I truly loved about it was the scent and the taste. The farmer pointed out that I was constantly diluting the taste by adding creamer, and drinking more than was necessary, which was leading to my over intake because I was no longer enjoying coffee — I was merely using it as a stimulant.

Curbing a coffee addiction for me was about learning to change my perspective in order to understand my relationship to something I’m putting in my body.

I had never questioned my coffee intake before because I saw it as part of my morning routine — my relationship with coffee was that it was a stimulant. But now, I’ve become more aware of how coffee impacts my body, how it makes me feel. Waking up to those realizations really helped curb my addiction because I was able to change the way our relationship worked.

Curbing a coffee addiction for me was about learning to change my perspective in order to understand my relationship to something I’m putting in my body.

In my coffee case, it’s been almost a full year, and I can now say I’ve been able to limit my coffee intake down to an average of two cups per day. But more importantly, my relationship with coffee is different. I enjoy my coffee now because I no longer view it as something I need to have every morning.

I’ve been trying to apply this same idea to alcohol but this is still a work in progress for me because I’m still holding on to the idea that alcohol makes me relax or have fun. In reality, even though I recognize how I feel when I drink alcohol and how it affects my body, I’m still struggling to want to actually change that perspective. I don’t think I need to go spend time on a farm to curb my alcohol addiction. But I’ve found that, what worked best in the case of my coffee addiction, was becoming more in tune with acknowledging how my body feels after putting something in it. With alcohol, I hope that by better understanding how it affects me, and what it’s doing to my body, I’ll be able to improve my relationship with it.

I’m still a work in progress but I ultimately want to continue this idea that I should care, and feel good about, what I eat and put inside my body.